In between a rock and a hard place 99% of the time. Never knowing which way to turn trying to prove to myself and so many others that I am doing the best I can with all that I can. But because of my pattern and past behavior, this is like trying to teach them an entirely brand new language. I doubt myself more than I have confidence, I am depressed much more than I am proud, I am sinking so much more than I feel I am staying afloat.
Someone recently told me that it may have taken me a year to demolish everything I had… good, valuable relationships, secure, good-paying jobs, friends I could trust… but it may take me ten years to rebuild all that I’ve destroyed. I pray daily that I keep the motivation to do that.